Veteran’s Day-The Hard Stuff to Say

Most people who meet me don’t know that I am a military veteran.

Why would they? I don’t tell people when I first meet them, it just doesn’t come up in conversation.

People often don’t know what to say. There is often an awkward pause and then a “thank you for your service”

I mean really what else is there to say....

Normally we are standing in a room full of people and it is hard for people to ask the questions they really want to ask.

I often responded with “your welcome” or ”thank you” but that isn’t at all I what truly want to say...

This Veteran’s Day is tough. I’m faced with feeling like part of my time in service has affected my current situation-my husband left our marriage without giving me the chance to heal from a PTSD diagnosis I was in denial of for a long time. It ultimately went too long without being discussed.

So I am going to approach the day differently this year in hopes that it can further educate those around me. I’m going to try to say, “You’re welcome...to ask me hard questions.”

Because the truth is, American should be welcome to ask these questions and others. Everything that the military does around the world is done in your name. No experience in uniform is necessary; being an American is enough.

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Today, veterans make up a unique class of people in our country. For the veterans themselves, having a federal holiday dedicated to them elicits a number of different responses. Veterans are by no means a monolithic group, and responses to the holiday run the from both sides of the emotional fence-immense pride to sarcastic scorn.

But, if I am correct in stating, some of the things we want you to know are:

The change you go through being in the military changes the entire way you live and perceive the world around you.

It’s harmful to have a perception of Veterans as “damaged goods”

You go from belonging in a community that fully understands and identifies with you, to returning to a life where most people are unaware of all the compromise. This makes for a difficult transition.

We have been programmed to be constantly vigilant.

Chain of Command is clear and apparent. Skipping to is not allowed.

Our families serve with us.

“Veteran” is not a one-size-fits-all title.

It can be hard for us to ask for help; it’s even harder for us to recognize we need the help.

Mental Conditioning is a thing; opinions? Nope, lock those up. Embrace the suck. Mission comes first-lock personal struggles in a box. This creates the disconnect-which is cultivated on what Vets experienced and what others haven’t.

We are not all soldiers

Our self perception of being excellent is easily offended when things are satisfactory to our expectations. Veterans make this known.

Experience of a combat vet vs non-combat bet can be vastly different.

As a civilian-you either adapt or you don’t.

In war-you willingly adapt or you may die.

What happens to the combat veteran who survives war, is not explainable.

Women make up 16% of the armed forces.

The loss of intense sense of mission and purpose that some Veterans May experience during deployment is often exacerbated by coming home to unemployment or employment with less skill.

The psychological effects of MST (Military Sexual Trauma) are multiplied when the perpetrator is someone in an individuals chain of command.

Some Americans don’t understand basic concepts of sacrifice, self-discipline and accountability. These concepts are norms for most military personnel.

We are simply men and women with something in common-the unwilling to abdiate responsibility when the country needed us.

Yes. Most of not all of us would do it all over again.

Connecting with a Veteran can help restore ones misconception between service members and civilians.

The military isn’t just a 4-year commitment and your done. It’s a comradarie that words can’t do justice.

The best tribute/thank you Americans can give Veterans is following our footsteps-not specifically in enlisting per se...just accepting responsibility to be engaged. Devoting a portion of energy to a cause greater than yourself. Also, never give up on a Veteran; they will go through walls for those they love.

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