Being Enough

So, you feel like you’re not good enough for them.

Like you’re not up to their standards.

Like they could do far better than you, and you’re not really sure why they’re hanging around.

This, unfortunately, is not an uncommon feeling. Many people find themselves in relationships in which they’re convinced that their partner is somehow lowering themselves by being with them.

They may know deep down that it’s all in their head, but they still can’t shake the feeling, and it threatens to drive a wedge between them and their partner.

After all, what person wants their partner to think this way? Who wants to be with someone who puts them on a pedestal, and can’t appreciate their own self-worth?

If your relationship is going to last and thrive, you need to say goodbye to the idea that you’re somehow inferior. For both your sakes.

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Ironically...

I am more than enough.

I realized over the course of the last two years and my last two relationship... I had always been enough. That, it wasn’t in my head.

They wanted more and more things; I was giving them all I had in me and it wasn’t enough for them. They demanded more. But it wasn’t that I wasn’t enough; they were both selfish and wanted more. They wanted me to be more than I was physically capable of being.

That’s a whole different issue and quite frankly not mine. There are expectations and requests that while in a relationship you should most definitely meet. But, when you are living and breathing for your partner. Changing your career. Changing your time with your child. Having to create time you don’t have for the other person. Having to hide your feelings and prior trauma to keep the peace. Theres a difference between feeling like your not enough and being treated like you aren’t enough; when you are more than enough.

I spent more time over the past years apologizing for who I was, going to therapy and trying to change it and on any given “given bad day” I was being told I haven’t changed; that this is who I am and I will never change, when I slipped up and had a bad moment. This was also coming from men who themselves weren’t in therapy; but demanded I go. Who used my disorder against me instead of helping me with it.

Why is it I can work on being enough. Do the work. Admit the failures and faults and still it’s my fault. I’m the villain? I’m the one who left? After they continued to open the door and kick me out time and time again?

It is time I remember what it feels like to shine again.