Time

I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted from the concept of “time.”

If we wait; we are too conservative.

If we don’t wait long enough; we are too liberal.

I think there is much to be said in quality versus quantity. But society doesn’t preach that.

A few months back I was given an ultimatum.

In shutter fear of loosing my person, I made a snap decision. It was forced. It was demanded and I found myself screaming, “Yes, I’ll be with you!” at the top of my lungs in a bar parking lot. What wasn’t known about that night was the 10 mins before that I blacked out driving over 90mph to that parking lot, only to park, have a complete psychotic breakdown and feel forced to answer a question I wasn’t sure I could answer. That exact breakdown was then used against me.

I look back now and the complaint almost every time was time.

“Two years of my life wasted”

or

“I’m ready now”

or

“You wouldn’t have to wait to know”

What about the time though, made up for the healing. The hurt. The anger. The resentment?

What about the time healed the connection?

Since when did time determine the love one has for someone; the willingness to sacrifice.

To wait for the real thing.

To Do It Right. The “I’ll wait for forevers”. The “Till death do us parts”.

The “Unconditional” love one has for another.

To grow and be better, one has to heal. But time doesn’t heal the wound itself. The wound scars over and its always there.

I think back on that time and all I wanted was the wound to heal. I didn’t necessarily need time. But I needed to stop the bleeding and I wanted that person to understand why I needed time not to heal the wound; but to stop the immediate bleeding. The gushing of blood every which way I turned.

Connection can be damaged and even more so can be non-existent without the acceptance of time.